Pompous and Illiterate

You know what’s really annoying? Having two similar, yet distinct anecdotes that you wish to present to the reader, but presenting either one will spoil the other. This is one of those times… But anyway..read this:

I shall relay to you a story. This is a story of a pedant. An autistic pedant, but the autism is as irrelevant to our story as the color of Hansel’s hair. This pedant was a member of a forum, not unlike the one you might be reading this in now. (If you’re reading this on my blog, you should know I’ve cross-posted it for maximum readership). On this forum some people were prone to spelling errors of the most irritating kind. The kind that two them was neether hear nor their. So the pedant got all up in arms about it, he posted an angry post calling out his fellow forum goers to be more diligent with their spelling. Their response was expected. To him they said, “You know what I meant.” or “You don’t have to be perfect.” But the point they seemed to be missing. Unfortunately for the pedant his eloquence only went so far, and when he thought about explaining his point to them, words did fail him. And thay continude there tyraid of speeling erors.

Now having read that file it in the back of your head for future use. And read this:

I Stumbled Upon an interesting article today… It’s over here. Go read it. No really, I’ve got something to say in relation to it, but you should read it first. It’s ok, I’ll wait. Oh and ignore the comments they’re irrelevant to my post. I mean, sure read them if you will, but they’ll have no bearing on…Oh whatever you know what I mean! Go! Read! Return!

Good now that you’ve read that, pull out the story of the pedant and compare. You can see where I’m going with this? Yes?

Now, I don’t pretend to be an intelligent person (mostly because I am therefore it’s not pretending ) but I do have a head for vocabulary. I love words. And whilst grammar can be poor, I’ve always been good at spelling my favored long words (and words in general). Even the really long ones. Like antidisestablishmentarinism And I use those words often (well maybe not antidisestablishmentarinism), and people have, on occassion criticised me for it. Though not many ever said I was “putting on airs”. I’ve been called a smart arse or a nerd, or even a square. I find it irrational that I use big words, and spell them correctly and get vilified for it, and yet people can’t even type the correct “here” in their post and I’m not allowed to criticise them?

Of course I’m being a bit too general here. Those people who spelled incorrectly never insulted me for using big words…well not yet. But I think my point remains valid, especially considering very few people appreciate being told their spelling is wrong, which would indicate a societal attitude toward being corrected…Which is something I’ve noticed before (more on that shortly). The whole point I’m trying to make, with the story and the article is to be accurate with your words. As I abhor bad spelling I also abhor the article’s author calls “senseless jargon”. I mean “learnings” WTF? Learning is a verb as far as I’ve been taught. It is the action of learn; acquiring knowledge. Though the Australian Oxford Mini Dicitionary begs to differ with me, stating that learning is a noun… That threw me. (look up learning on wikitionary to learn more) Beware of tangents, lets get back on topic… What was the topic again? Or right. Accurateness of words.

Let’s take another example from another forum I’m on. Someone posted an article relating to the offensive use of the word retard. Now in the past I’ve disliked retard, in a similar manner I presume a black person would dislike nigger or coon. However I’ve you study the word itself, which is ostensibly a verb, you’ll find that calling someone a retard is actually invalid use of language. The only proper use of retard as a noun is the word retardation, which is the act of retarding something. Retard in slang use is a noun; “You retard.” But think about it. Retard is derived from the latin word retardare which means literally “again slow”, or “to slow”. A verb latin, a verb in english. Retarded is the part participle of retard. To say “You’re retarded” can be accurate, but it lacks definition. Retarded how? That can’t simple be slowed (remember that it is the PAST participle). “You are slowed.” Anyways, tangents strike again.

The article asks ‘which is worse; a pompous ass, or an illiterate jerk?’. My answer would probably be the illiterate jerk. But how can you be illiterate in this changing world?

Let’s do something radical and completely contradict myself!

One of the comments in that article pointed out something about the English language, the concept of “verbing”. Verbing something is taking a noun and making a verb out of it. Like Photoshopping, or Googling. I’ve loved the idea and often use it myself in fun and fantastical ways. Hell even the word verbing was created by verbing. But that’s not right! Google is a noun, not a verb! You can’t, for example…no..wait..I can’t think of a noun that can’t be verbed. Hell I could even go USBing…What ever the fuck that means

But what does this mean? How can one be accurate in the use of words when the language itself, the very rules that govern the words with which one should be accurate..with, changes. Evolves. How does an autistic with a predominantly black and white thinking pattern survive in a fluidic world? It’s not this or that, but rather something else. It’s a Thas? Thit? This world is grey and gray. So many shades of grey.

But here’s the kicker… You can jump onto on Photoshop and go about photoshopping all the pics on your computer. But you can’t photoshup them. Nor phatoshop them… No..Only Photoshop them. Nor could you jump onto Photoshop and go Googling.
Just like you can’t ‘here the words’. Or like “there over they’re”.

New words enter the vocabulary all the time. Most are they’re great. And some are meh. But they all have only one way to spell them.

The correct way.