My Head Space

I tend to compartmentalise the different aspects of my psyche, assigning them identities and anthropomorphizing them to a degree. Below is a diagram that best explains how my thinking works (as I understand it) in the simplest fashion I could devise.

In the diagram you can see a total of 5 sections of my “brain”. Obviously I don’t mean for these sections to be literal aspects of my physical brain, but rather metaphors for the compartmentalisation.

Imagine, if you will, that my brain is a computer. Thoughts can be generated by any number of aspects of my brain in any of the sections, but they are almost always process in a upward and ;leftward fashion, in much the same way that a Television screen refreshes each line bit by bit on the horizontal, then the next line down on the horizontal, and the next, and so on, my thinking processing is similar I imagine.

As the thought travels through each of the 3 main sections (one’s in the middle) they’re each influenced by that section’s aspects.

“Default Programming” is my most Autistic aspect. Though I imagine everyone thinks in similar ways deep deep down it is probably not to the degree that I do. In this section everything, and I mean everything must be assigned a label or a pigeon hole. A black and white definition. Clear cut. Irrefutable. As this is my ‘default programming’ it informs almost everyone of my thoughts, but the world does not work that way, and as such this can create many problems with the grayness of the world. Nothing is completely black or white but rather shades of gray. Even the definitions and labels I apply to myself as challenged on a daily basis in differing ways. The more ‘shades’ I learn, the most ‘corrupted’ my programming becomes (in a good way).

“Voices” is the differing aspects of my body and personality that I’ve given voice to. These are not literal voices, and whilst I do “thought speak”, I don’t hear multiple voices all screaming out different messages. Rather these ‘voices’ are just feelings or vague thoughts coming from different needs and wants that I have. For example if I’m hungry that’s a message from either the stomach’s voice or my tastebud’s voice (my tastebuds are particularly vocal ). These voices tend to try to exert their influence over my decisions by making themselves more vocal. Some aspects are usually quiet such as my stomach; it’s not a big need of mine to eat (only for fuel), but it is a big want of mine to enjoy the sensation of taste (tastebuds). And some aspects can be drowned out by others so that there may be things I didn’t even know I wanted or needed. Or some voices can seem to come from unidentifiable sources.

“Consciousness – ‘Me’” is..well Me. It was wearing thoughts take form and I tackle with ideas or push them aside. “Me” is my primary decision making capability. Descartes once said “I think therefore I am.” another way of looking at it is “I am therefore I think. Whilst ‘default programming’ is a pervasive aspect, and ‘voices’ are feelings and sensations, ‘Me’ is very much in the mind’s eye, I ‘see’ and I ‘hear’ the thoughts in ‘Me’, I talk to myself in ‘Me’ To continue the computer analogy; if Default Programming is my hardware/BIOS and ‘voice’ my firmware, then ‘Me’ is my operating system.

By now you’ll be wondering what the other two sections are. They are my work area and my filing system for thoughts (not memory, that’s for another diagram ). Most of my thoughts are generated by one of the three main sections, and depending on what I want to do with the thoughts they either go into the Fore Brain or the Back Brain.

‘Fore Brain’ is where I actively think about a thought. It’s where I consciously work on it so to speak. Most of the work is done by ‘Me’, but you’ll notice that the Fore Brain also intersects with ‘Voices’; they can play a major influence on how ‘Me’ works on a thought.

‘Back Brain’ is where thoughts go to die. LOL, no not really. But it is where thoughts become idle. You’ll noticed that Back Brain only intersects with a small portion of ‘Me’. ‘Me’ can sometimes push a thought into Back Brain and the other two sections then work on the thoughts subconsciously. Most of the time when a thought from Fore Brain becomes less important or my attention is diverted from it it’ll go into Back Brain, my Back Brain houses hundreds and hundreds if not billions of thoughts, all waiting for the right stimulus to bring them back to the Fore.

As thus, that is the way I think. Confused?